The Sum of All My Fears

F- false
E- evidence
A- appearing
R- real

I am amazed at how well I have adjusted to being alone and how fearless I have become because of it. Fear is one of the most driving forces in human nature. It is also one of the most destructive. For me, fear has been the cornerstone of my life. Not the kind of fear where you think someone is out to get you or fear that some act of God is going to fell you. It's the fears of everyday life that has had me so absorbed. What will people think of me is the biggest one of all. I have always had a great fear of not being accepted, not measuring up to one's standards, not making the grade (so to speak). Unfortunately, the consequence of all this fear was a huge blow to my ego, and trying to compensate for that opened me up for a myriad of faults.

Other fears that have plagued me in the past are fear of being alone, going places by myself (especially if unfamiliar), even eating alone in a restaurant. If I saw a person that looked "suspicious" or "strange" I would be fearful. If I was in a neighborhood or area that was deemed "not safe", I would be very fearful. If a family member wasn't home on time or the phone rang late at night my mind would think of all the bad things that might have happened. I spent a lifetime worrying about the proverbial "what if''". All these fears were created by one source - me! Me and my very own mind, with its constant fear of the unknown. There was no real cause for fear, just my imagined creation of it. I now have a better understanding of the saying "there is nothing to fear but fear itself". It is so true.

Everyone experiences a fear of the unknown. Each moment ahead of the one that we are living in possesses the unknown. The question is - why are we so fearful of it? Most of these unknown factors aren't even important, they are just fabrications of our perceptions and are usually unfounded. All the others are simply out of our control and need to be dealt with as they come. Whether we fret about them before hand or not, the outcome will still be the same. Living a "fearless" life had opened me up to so many new experiences and brought me so much pleasure. I have met a diverse array of people and enjoyed a multiplicity of new places. I am comfortable driving or walking anywhere I want to go, exploring the world around me. I have also acquired a new respect for all people along with a higher appreciation for their dissimilarities. No one needs to be feared simply because they are different.

So these days I count the sum of all my fears as zero, well almost zero. I am still not going bungee jumping off some cliff or riding the biggest roller coaster. Some fears just won't go away. But I finally feel free of the ridiculous fears that once plagued me. I no longer fear what other people might think. Their thoughts just don't matter. As for the fear of the unknown - I now embrace it, look forward to it with anticipation of goodness. Without fear there is peace. Peace of mind and peace of heart. This I wish for everyone.