Have you ever heard the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too"? I have always considered it a silly saying that made no sense, but right now it seems to fit my life perfectly. Basically, it represents the inability to have all you want when the choices are impossible to combine. I love being in control of my own life and my surroundings. I enjoy peace and quite, routines and having a pretty good idea of what my next day is going to be like. What I don't love is being away from my family and friends.
I miss having a partner to lean on in difficult times, to cuddle up to on cold nights, to share the joys of life with. I miss my children, especially the family gatherings where we share our ideas and experiences, play games, watch movies and enjoy each other's company. I miss watching my grandchildren grow, sharing in their daily milestones and joys of childhood. I miss lunches with a girlfriend and days spent browsing shops or antique malls together.
I realized it is impossible for me to "have my cake and eat it too" and that the time had come to make a choice between my two worlds. Ultimately my decision was based on which one would bring me the most happiness. So now I have come full circle, back to the home and family I had in California. There will be a period of adjustment as I ease back into a life very different from the one I lived in Arizona but kisses from the tiny lips of my grandchildren on my cheek make it all worthwhile.
The circle of life never ends.
